Jodie Sweetin melted our hearts and made us laugh for eight years as cherub-faced, goody-two-shoes middle child Stephanie Tanner. Her ups and downs seemed not so different from our own, but more than a decade after the popular television show ended, the star publicly revealed her shocking recovery from drug addiction. Even then, she kept a painful secret--one that could not be solved in thirty minutes with a hug, a stern talking-to, or a bowl of ice cream around the family table. The harrowing battle she swore she had won was really just beginning. In her deeply personal, utterly raw, and ultimately inspiring memoir - UnSweetined - Jodie speaks about the double life she led--the crippling identity crisis, the hidden anguish of juggling a regular childhood with her Hollywood life, and the vicious cycle of abuse and recovery that led to a relapse even as she wrote her book. Finally, becoming a mother gave her the determination and the courage to get sober. Hers is not a story of success or defeat, but of facing your demons, finding yourself, and telling the whole truth. Jodie's most recent work includes starring in multiple Hallmark Movie Channel movies, and Fuller House - a sequel series to the wildly popular Full House. The final season of Fuller House aired on June 2nd on Netflix. She also co-hosts a hilarious podcast - 'Never Thought I'd Say This' - with her best friend Celia Behar where they tackle the truth and taboo about parenthood. We LOVED getting to speak with Jodie, and we know you'll love hearing this interview too! :)
Jodie Sweetin melted our hearts and made us laugh for eight years as cherub-faced, goody-two-shoes middle child Stephanie Tanner. Her ups and downs seemed not so different from our own, but more than a decade after the popular television show ended, the star publicly revealed her shocking recovery from drug addiction. Even then, she kept a painful secret--one that could not be solved in thirty minutes with a hug, a stern talking-to, or a bowl of ice cream around the family table. The harrowing battle she swore she had won was really just beginning.
In her deeply personal, utterly raw, and ultimately inspiring memoir - UnSweetined - Jodie speaks about the double life she led--the crippling identity crisis, the hidden anguish of juggling a regular childhood with her Hollywood life, and the vicious cycle of abuse and recovery that led to a relapse even as she wrote her book. Finally, becoming a mother gave her the determination and the courage to get sober. Hers is not a story of success or defeat, but of facing your demons, finding yourself, and telling the whole truth.
Jodie's most recent work includes starring in multiple Hallmark Movie Channel movies, and Fuller House - a sequel series to the wildly popular Full House. The final season of Fuller House aired on June 2nd on Netflix. She also co-hosts a hilarious podcast - 'Never Thought I'd Say This' - with her best friend Celia Behar where they tackle the truth and taboo about parenthood.
We LOVED getting to speak with Jodie, and we know you'll love hearing this interview too! :)
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Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Hello, beautiful people. Welcome to The Courage to Change: A Recovery Podcast. My name is Ashley Loeb Blassingame and I am your host. Today, we have Jodie Sweetin. Jodie Sweetin melted our hearts and made us laugh for eight years as a cherub faced, goody two shoes, middle child, Stephanie Tanner. Her ups and downs seem not so different from our own, but more than a decade after the popular television show ended, the star publicly revealed her shocking recovery from drug addiction. Uh, that's my shock.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Even then, she kept a painful secret, one that could not be solved in 30 minutes with a hug, a stern talking to her or a bowl of ice cream around the family table. The harrowing battle she swore she had won was really just beginning. In her deeply personal, utterly raw and ultimately inspiring memoir, UnSweetined, Jodie speaks about the double life she led, the crippling identity crisis, the hidden English of juggling a regular childhood with her Hollywood life and the vicious cycle of abuse and recovery that led to a relapse, even as she wrote her book. Finally, becoming a mother gave her the determination and the courage to get sober.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Hers is not a story of success or defeat, but of facing your demons, finding yourself and telling the whole truth. Jodie's most recent work includes starring in multiple Hallmark movie channel movies and Fuller House, a sequel series to the wildly popular Full House. The final season of Fuller House aired on June 2nd on Netflix. She also co-hosts a hilarious podcast, Never Thought I'd Say This, with her best friend, Celia Behar, where they tackle the truth and taboo about parenthood. We loved getting to speak with Jodie and we know you'll love hearing this interview too. Thank you so much to Jodie for being here. She is amazing. Her story is amazing. Her truth is amazing. Absolutely loved having her on here. I know you all will love her as well. If you're new to the podcast, welcome. If you're not new to the podcast, welcome back. And episode 57. Let's do this.
Jodie Sweetin:
My older one just started middle school this year, so this is just the worst thing that's ever happened in her life. Which it is up until this point. You know what I mean? She hasn't had to survive that many horrific things, which I need to keep reminding myself, because sometimes I'm like, "I know, it sucks, it sucks. Get over it," and then I'm like, they haven't had to deal with tragic, you know what I mean? I've lived 38 years and done some real dumb shit, so at this point I'm like, "We've got to stay inside. It's not that bad." But they're like, "That's the worst thing ever." I got called the killer of joy last week, so I feel like I'm doing my job really well.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
You were called the killer of joy?
Jodie Sweetin:
The killer of joy. I took a bow to that, which they did not find funny.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Oh my God. Oh my God.
Jodie Sweetin:
I said, "You're right. I am. I am the killer of joy. Here to suck fun things out of an otherwise not fun time at all." So yeah, that's what I like to do, guys, is just be an apple and steal every moment of fun that you have.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Well, I'm super glad that it's your fault that COVID's happening because I was looking for someone to blame this whole time.
Jodie Sweetin:
It is. It's totally my... Yeah, you and a few others. Yeah, it's my fault, so here I am. I have been called killer, according to my children, it's like they get it, but I mean it's hard. It's hard to explain this to kids. It's hard to explain this to adults. I didn't think it was the case.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Yeah, never cease to amaze me, never cease to amaze me. Yeah, so my twins are three, almost three and a half, and they know that they're cooties, but they don't understand, so we're having conversations about germs and so they're like, "Oh, well, are there germs here?" I'm like, "Yes, but they're good germs." So we're talking about good germ, bad. Oh my God. I'm not prepared for this.
Jodie Sweetin:
And kids, we're trying to be like, "Don't touch your face. Don't do it." When they're little like that, it's impossible.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Oh, yeah, and then the masked thingy.
Jodie Sweetin:
My kids ate food off the ground in line at Disneyland. I mean that's just what toddlers do. They're gross. Children are still gross. Children are gross but they get slightly less disgusting. No, that's not true. That's actually not true. I would like to say that they do, but I just found a bag of chips in my daughter's laundry, so they don't get any less disgusting.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Yeah, I feel like little boys.
Jodie Sweetin:
Oh yeah, little boys are. Yeah.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Of all the things that are coming my way, less disgusting doesn't feel like it's on the docket.
Jodie Sweetin:
No, definitely not. And something about tweens too, they love to just bring all the food into their room, but never clear any of it out.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Mm-hmm (affirmative). I did that.
Jodie Sweetin:
So I'm like, "Why is there a half eaten burrito in here from yesterday? Why? It's gross. It smells in here. Do you not smell that when you walk in?" "No, you're just critical." I'm like, "Because it f’ing reeks in here. It's disgusting." "Why are you so critical? Why are you so mean?"
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Oh, it sucks.
Jodie Sweetin:
Yeah. So do anything right these days. That also comes as you get older or as they get older, is that just everything you do is wrong. I breath wrong. I speak too loud. Everything is just...
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Everything.
Jodie Sweetin:
Right, and I'm like, "Great. I'm glad the feeling's mutual because you annoy the shit out of me too, kid, so."
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
So I hear people talk about this, where their parent did something cool, that other people think is cool or recognized for, and the kids don't give a shit.
Jodie Sweetin:
Yeah, no, my kids don't really care. They used to like coming to the set of Fuller House because the other kids were there that they were friends with that were on the shows. They loved doing that. They loved craft service, and it was people that they've known for years, so they would come and whatever, but one time, they came and they got in a fight in the school room, like a physical fight in the school room with each other, to which one of the kids on the show has to tell me, in the middle of a tape night, like an audience tape night. He's like, "Okay, so here's what happened," and I was like, "I'm going to kill my children." I was so pissed. My mom took them. I was like, "Get them out. Take them out of my dressing room. I'm done."
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Oh, oh my God.
Jodie Sweetin:
Because I was like, "You guys, I get this is fun, and it's play, and it's relaxed, and you know everybody, and I kind of can do whatever I want here, but you guys can't, and you guys embarrassed me," and then I was like, "You guys can't come." And they were distraught.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Oh, wow. Oh my God.
Jodie Sweetin:
As far as watching the show, they don't care. I think they're getting to the age now where it's kind of cool, I think, that people know who their mom is. I think starting to enjoy the cachet of that, which I'm like, just stop it now. Don't be that person. It's obnoxious. Yeah. It's complicated.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Man. Teenage. Yeah. It's always complicated.
Jodie Sweetin:
Right. I'm trying to explain why, without scaring them that, "Look. More people in the world know who you are because of who I am." I had to have this conversation with her yesterday because she had some missteps online as they do when they're 12, because they don't know how to keep themself safe.
Jodie Sweetin:
And we had a real conversation. I was like, "Zoie, if you don't think people know who you are and know your name and can find out, you can't put certain things out there, you can't." And she was like, "Oh." I was like, "Yeah, when you shoot a video, you have to be careful that it doesn't say where you go to school. Don't have a school sweatshirt on." And they don't get these things.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Yeah. Stop. Yeah.
Jodie Sweetin:
These are things that me growing up, I've had to think of my entire life. And they've never had to. It is without being like, "Hey, there's weird, crazy stalkers out there." But being like, "Look, you're not just some anonymous kid. And that was what my mom always had to tell me too. It was like, "you're not just some anonymous kid out in the world. People know you and people know them," you know?
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
So like you're not just some anonymous, okay. We're alcoholics. Right? And the attention, we want to be known. We need to be seen. Whatever that means, in a relationship. So being not anonymous and being... so there's like, "I need to be seen by somebody." And then there's being seen by the whole world. Does that fill any of that void that we're born with?
Jodie Sweetin:
I don't have that void. I don't. I like to just sort of blend in. I mean, I love what I do and I love performing. But I am not a person that needs to necessarily stand out. I'm not that person that craves that attention. Ironically. I do this because it's what I love. But I actually don't love the-
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
That part of it.
Jodie Sweetin:
... frantic other stuff that goes along with it. Most of my friends aren't in this business for that very particular reason.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Yeah.
Jodie Sweetin:
That's why. Not because I don't like people in this business, but just because most of my life is so very normal, and I like to be seen that way. I like to be seen that way. As opposed to something else. But it is hard. I mean, it's been hard. I'm not like I am in Zoom meetings online during this pandemic, but I don't have the same ability to just sit there anonymously and not have somebody take a screenshot of a meeting that I'm in. And, that gets annoying. Or record what I say or, so.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Yeah. Even if you change your name and all that.
Jodie Sweetin:
I mean, and the second I put my face up there, everyone knows. I mean, a lot of people in LA know I'm in recovery anyway. And it's one thing, it's uncomfortable enough to walk into any meetings when people are like, "Oh my God, it's..." And you know. And every alcoholic, you're like, oh my God. They know. Everyone knows.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Yeah.
Jodie Sweetin:
You know what I mean? That's hard enough. But then, you just sit there and people are staring at a screen full of faces for an hour.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Yeah.
Jodie Sweetin:
And it's just a kid.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
It's interesting. There are two times where I've thought about what it would be like to get sober in the public eye. One was when, now I'm going to forget his name. His name, Macklemore.
Jodie Sweetin:
Matthew [inaudible 00:10:27] Junior? Oh, Macklemore. Yeah.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
No. Macklemore. Yeah. And talking about relapse. And then when Demi Lovato. And I just thought to myself... and I lived in LA, so I had connections through the program too. But hearing some of the stuff that would go on with sponsorship and just stuff that was gnarly and stuff that honestly never even occurred to me because it's not my life. And I remember thinking, what a complication. You are-
Jodie Sweetin:
Yeah. I mean, it's hard. I will go and speak at a meeting. And then I get a ton of people come up to me afterwards who are like, "Oh my gosh, will you sponsor me?" And I don't know if it's because I had a great message and they want what I've got as far as recovery. Or they just want to say who their sponsor is.
Jodie Sweetin:
And it's hard because then you feel like, "Well, how do I give my number out, stay connected, be in touch with newcomers in the program without..." And there have been times when it's like, "Okay. Now I see maybe your intentions."
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
It just doesn't feel right.
Jodie Sweetin:
Right.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Yeah.
Jodie Sweetin:
And usually, I will sponsor people who are a friend of a friend or, one of my dear friends in the program, that's like, this is a newcomer that I met and they specifically wanted to [inaudible 00:11:47]. Stuff like that.
Jodie Sweetin:
But it is, it's a whole different set of rules and circumstances and things that you come into the rooms with. And I remember that, one of the things that they always talk about in the rooms is, well, alcoholics always think everyone's talking about them when they come into a room that they're in.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Right. You're like.
Jodie Sweetin:
And I was like, "Well, my entire life, every classroom I walked into, every room, that was the case. Not in a way that it was, I'm not f’ing [inaudible 00:12:17]. I'm not saying that.
Jodie Sweetin:
But at the time when I was a kid or whatever, growing up, it's different. And so you do walk into a room and you hear whispers. Or people talk, or you just know that you're more of a spectacle than other people. And so you're like, "That's not true for me. That isn't my experience. That's been different for me." And then you have to combat that with not allowing that to be the thing that you're-
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Keeps you out.
Jodie Sweetin:
... [crosstalk 00:12:47] onto and goes, "Well..." And that's the thing, is that you have to find, like for me, I haven't been as comfortable on Zoom meetings. I've spoken at a few of them, fine. But I've had to find other workarounds, like who are the people that I connect with in my sobriety? And look to and rely on the different areas of the program that I know sometimes you just have to emphasize certain things a little bit more than others.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Yeah. I think with everything that's going on is so destabilizing and it was actually something I was talking about with someone this morning about how we're all destabilized in different ways. Because our lives looked different, our sobriety's looked different. Maybe we had some of the same tools, but we probably use them differently.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
And we are going to have to find, given this situation, a new way to use those tools that works for us. Whatever that looks like. So it makes complete sense that, though that you wouldn't go specifically to... I mean, I'm sure that even in the LA meetings. LA meetings-
Jodie Sweetin:
And there are the meetings of people that I know. Yeah. It's all finding what works and what's comfortable and what...
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Yeah.
Jodie Sweetin:
And I went through a period where I wasn't... there were only a couple of meetings that I really liked going to here in LA, because I was going through a really ugly, tumultuous ex-boyfriend situation in the room. And I just didn't feel safe in a lot of them. And so now it's just, we all have to do those things that for whatever reason or another, we go like, "Okay, it's a work around." You have to be able to be malleable in your sobriety in a way, it's not always going to look a perfect way. And I used to really be guilty of that in multiple sobrieties where if it didn't look perfect, I'd just throw the baby out with the bath water. I'd relapse and the whole thing would get screwed up, because it was like, well, I'm not doing it perfectly.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Yeah.
New Speaker:
And my perfectionism is a huge barrier to me, really living a comfortably sober. And that was the difference, because I was sober, but I didn't know how to just relax into it. So it was like, if it wasn't perfect or if I didn't have all of the "right things that you're supposed to have," then I just chucked everything. I was like, I'm obviously not doing it right. And I think that oftentimes a lot of people feel that way in the program. And I think I've seen people with different kinds of sponsors and things like that. And I'm like, "Look, maybe you just need to be a little less hard on yourself." And that for me in sobriety, that's been the thing that I've really had to grapple with was, it is how incredibly critical I am of myself, and how I let that get in the way of so much of my recovery, or have in the past.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Do you think ... So I read your book, which was awesome. And I wonder, a bunch of things came up, but one of the things that you talked about was ... Which makes complete sense. You had a job as a kid, you were working. I wonder if having to be in an environment where you're working for the network for a living as a kid, and being criticized was a part of the job. And that kid-
Jodie Sweetin:
Yeah. I think it's probably a lot of things. I've always suffered from anxiety, and it's funny because as my anxiety has, unfortunately gotten worse over the last couple of years, I don't know why, but it just has. I don't know why this year, things are going so great.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Totally.
Jodie Sweetin:
But I've stopped and had to remember all of the things. My daughter has some anxiety issues, and she was talking to me one day about how she felt like she couldn't swallow right, she felt ... And I had not remembered until she brought that up to me, that at probably eight years old, I had the same thing and went to the doctor for it, because I felt like I couldn't swallow. But anxiety wasn't a thing, and it certainly wasn't a thing that kids ever got diagnosed with 30 years ago. And I started really stopping and thinking about all of these very significant things in my life that were a result of an underlying anxiety, that developed over my life.
Jodie Sweetin:
And I didn't know what that feeling was, but I knew that if everything was a certain way, it made that feel better. I knew if I could just ... If my homework, if all the writing was really neat, if all the lines were really ... I'm not OCD, I don't have that diagnosis, but I do know that my perfectionism is inextricably linked to my anxiety perfectionism. Those two things just go together. And so when I feel like something isn't perfect, if I feel like, whatever reason my fourth step isn't the way it should be, or that I didn't call my sponsor at 10:00 AM, I skipped a day or ... It used to be, those were things that I was like, "Well, I'm just not doing this." So I might as well [inaudible 00:18:16].
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Right.
Jodie Sweetin:
Because if I'm not going to do it perfect, then why do it at all? And that has been something that I ... Even now, I talk to my boyfriend and he'll be like, "That's quite a list. What's on the other side of that? What's the good stuff on the other side of the list to balance that out?" And I'm like-
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
There's another side?
Jodie Sweetin:
There's another list, that's right. Yes, hold on. Let me get back to you on that.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Right. Totally. Yeah, I think it's one of the things that's the dichotomy, which is that when we're using and drinking, to many people we look like underachievers, losers, lazy, whatever. But many of us are actually overachievers who cannot deal, who needs some sort of substance to deal with the fact that we can't get it right. We can't get it perfect.
Jodie Sweetin:
Right.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
It's too much.
Jodie Sweetin:
I think for most alcoholics, there is some sort of underlying anxiety-
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Yeah, for sure.
Jodie Sweetin:
Disorder. And anxiety is usually a control issue. You know what I mean? And so it makes sense that the more you are controlling external things in your environment, the more you're trying to keep the insides together. I know for me, I used to struggle with leaving a dirty dish in the sink, which is great. These are great problems to have. I'm a very neat person. But when it literally keeps me up for 20 minutes trying to go to sleep, because I'm thinking about what a failure I am, because I haven't washed all the dishes today.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Right.
Jodie Sweetin:
That is a very different reason. That is the crux of that. The self disappointment, I think that so much of our using hinges on, which is, I want to be the best. And if I can't be the best, I'll be the worst.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Right, yeah, that's how I ... That's [crosstalk 00:20:07]. For sure.
Jodie Sweetin:
That is exactly what I was. I don't want to be perfect because everyone had this weird assumption that because I was on TV and because I was out there, like I thought I was better than everyone.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Right.
Jodie Sweetin:
But my thing was like, "Well, I'm not going to be perfect. I'm going to be so opposite of that."
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Yeah. The best worst.
Jodie Sweetin:
Yeah. And it was this weird sense of owning my identity.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Yeah.
Jodie Sweetin:
It was like, "Well, if this is the identity that you want me to have, I'm going to have one that's all on my own." And the same thing with making good decisions for myself for a very long time. I didn't want to make the right decision, because that was a decision my mom would make. And I want to make my own decisions. Which is a very teenage thing to do, but also very alcoholic thing to do. Like, I will cut off my nose to spite my face, because f you.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Exactly, exactly. Well, it was funny because, my mom loves Hallmark movies. And I always tease her, because I watch a Hallmark movie, and in my head, I've been working in the mental health, behavioral health. I've been sober, getting sober or whatever for so long, that I watch that and I'm inserting like, "Yeah, but he has this issue, and this is what's going on behind it, and..." And so, I can't watch something that's that clean and not see. I'm like, "This is sick. This is what's going on. They're all pretending everything's okay." [crosstalk 00:21:37].
Jodie Sweetin:
Right.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Do you guys work about that?
Jodie Sweetin:
Totally. Everyone's like the... And Hallmark movie. If you've done a Hallmark movie, you know and you are very self-aware of what it is. It's very much like Full House and Fuller House. It's very much like a sitcom in that there's going to be some hiccups, but you know how it's going to end. You know that you're not going to get to the end of the movie and be like, "Oh, they broke... She killed her?" You know what I mean? That's never going to happen on a sitcom or a Hallmark movie; nothing jarring, upsetting. It is like comfort food for television.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Right, right.
Jodie Sweetin:
But it's true. And I always laugh because I am... My mom always was like, "Something's wrong with you" Because I am a much darker... I don't really watch comedy at all. I watch really dark documentaries-
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Yeah, me too.
Jodie Sweetin:
Like True Crime. News.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Yep, yep. The sick shit.
Jodie Sweetin:
Right. Just like politics. Just all of that. I don't want to entertain my brain with fluff. I want something I need to focus on, and so it's really funny because what I watch and what I do, could not be-
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Further apart. Yeah, that was what I was laughing about because I was like, "Oh my God, she's on Hallmark. Like, she's..." I'm reading the book, giggling to myself because I totally relate to so much of it, right? And then I'm like, "She managed to find roles that were literally..." The world gave you this identity and everything behind the scenes was like, "I am not that girl. I'm not the girl." But what's funny that I thought was funny was that you went back to Hallmark sober. So you went back to it and-
Jodie Sweetin:
Right. Well, it's funny because that, for me, was actually a really big statement and gift because after I wrote my book, and after I talked about getting sober and relapsing and speaking publicly and relapsing and doing all that, I had really struggled with being able to come back from that and having people be willing to let that be the past and be.... God, over a decade ago.
Jodie Sweetin:
And it took a really long time for that to happen. It took a really long time for that not to be the first question that I get asked. It took a really long time to be able to do a Hallmark movie and do something like that, and so that for me, I was like, "Okay, I finally..."
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
You've shed it.
Jodie Sweetin:
I shed it enough to a place where it's still something that's important about and that I can talk about, but that it is not the only thing that people talk about.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Yeah, yeah. That must have felt wonderful.
Jodie Sweetin:
It was great. And it's great, and it's still... Trust me, I still get asked about it. No matter how much I will be out promoting Fuller House or a Hallmark movie or whatever, and they get told, "Obviously don't bring that up," but they do anyway, and then I just sit and stare at them awkwardly. Because I'm making someone feel awkward. So it's still there, but it's no longer the prominent thing. And that was always the thing that I wanted so desperately, was that, "Look, my sobriety and this journey is a piece of me, but it's not all of me."
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Right.
Jodie Sweetin:
It doesn't define everything. It's not the 'end all, be all' of who I am. And it was really hard and really frustrating to feel like I couldn't get out from under that, and feel like you're constantly being reminded of who you were and nobody really lets you move forward and succeed because they just want to keep going, "Yeah, but let's talk about the real f’ed up stuff."
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Yeah.
Jodie Sweetin:
And I don't... Like I said, I love sharing my recovery and I love doing all that, but there's just differentiation between if I'm...
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
You don't want to only be that.
Jodie Sweetin:
If I'm talking "recovery" then I'm talking "recovery", but I... Yeah, exactly.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Yeah.
Jodie Sweetin:
Exactly. So, that's been a...
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Yeah, yeah. So you started Full House when you were... Well you started reading at four-
Jodie Sweetin:
Five.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Okay, so-
Jodie Sweetin:
I started reading at about two and a half.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
At two?
Jodie Sweetin:
Yeah, I...
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Well, you were fully reading at four. That's right.
Jodie Sweetin:
Yeah, but you could set down pretty much anything in front of me by the time I hit my third birthday, and I could read. I mean, we have videos of me... My momma just sat adult books down and I could read.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
That's amazing.
Jodie Sweetin:
So they always knew I was bright and smart and loved to excel and succeed and do all that. So yeah, I started doing commercials and stuff, and fun print work and dance recitals and things like that when I was three years old because I just loved performing. So my mom was like, "Oh, we'll give you an outlet for it." but it quickly became something much greater than any of us had bargained for
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Yeah, yeah. I mean, it's awesome and it obviously comes with all its complications.
Jodie Sweetin:
Yeah, but I was fortunate though in that the set and the people that I grew up around could not have been more normal, in that regard.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Yeah.
Jodie Sweetin:
It wasn't like a Hollywood set, it was like a very down-to-earth family. So I do feel like, "Thank God, that was the experience that I had." I know that not everyone has that experience, but I and all the other kids on that show had, we were loved and supported and our producers... We were taken care of. We were not exploited and used and they made sure that our wellbeing was paramount.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Not like the 'classic child star' kind of deal?
Jodie Sweetin:
Not at all, and people always ask me that, "Do you think it was because you were a child star that you were an alcoholic?" And my response is always, "No, not in my situation at all." I mean, you have read my books so you know about... I was adopted and I have a very, very strong biological predisposition to alcoholism and addiction. And I had a whole other set of circumstances that would have affected me, and I think I would have had struggled with drugs and alcohol regardless. It's just that nobody would've known about it.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Right, right. Yeah, like the rest of us who struggled.
Jodie Sweetin:
Right. Yes, exactly.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
So when did you find out you were adopted, or how did they tell you?
Jodie Sweetin:
I always knew. My parents... I always knew, they always told me that I was picked for them, that I was special, that they welcomed me in their hearts, but not my mom's tummy... And all that kind of stuff. I think when I was about 11 or 12 was when they told me kind of the whole story about my parents' background and just some of the more traumatic, darker stuff that was the first 14 months of my life that I have no memory of, but I know that they still have deep-seated effects on me. Which is interesting when you start thinking, "Why do I have attachment issues?" Oh, wait.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Right.
Jodie Sweetin:
You know, that's so weird. I grew up with a great family and all these wonderful connections and relationships, but what is that thing for me? I'm like, "Oh, this is that nature-nurture thing of there will always be certain things that I'm working on, overcoming that I don't even realize that are struggles."
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
There's a great book called The Body Keeps the Score and I'm sure you've heard of it.
Jodie Sweetin:
I just bought it. My boyfriend just recommended it. And I just watched the Darrell Hammond story in which he... The doctors in it, they talk a lot about that and yeah, I actually picked it up today and I was like, "I need to start reading this." But yeah, it's really interesting how our bodies hold on to so many things.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Information, yeah. It's really interesting. So I read the book, so it took us to 2009 when you were getting sober and struggling to get sober. And it's how long... When did you get...
Jodie Sweetin:
Well, I had gotten sober. My sobriety date is March 23rd, 2011. I had gotten and stayed sober and was... Right in 2011, I got in a car accident and was prescribed muscle relaxers, which I had never thought were a fun thing because I'd never taken them. And then I realized that I was just not being honest about when I was taking them, how many I was taking and within two weeks and I went, "Oh shit."
Jodie Sweetin:
So that was why I changed my date and restarted it. I always tell people it wasn't the worst by far relapse or anything I'd had but it was that realization of like, "Oh, okay. Yeah." That's on the list too.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Throw it in there. Yeah.
Jodie Sweetin:
Yes, throw it in there.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Yeah, just staying honest. I mean, you get to a certain point and you're like, "Whatever it takes to stay sober I'll do, so if I have to..." There's clarity in it.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
So since 2011, and what is it like to get... So like me getting sober, I was a f’ing hot mess. I was not... I acted... Just detoxing, whatever, but then like acting out, early sobriety, just hot mess express just in general. Not something I would want pictures of, cameras of, whatever. And falling on my face and doing things I did while I was using, doing them sober and being embarrassed. How do you get sober while people are watching you or are you used to it, maybe?
Jodie Sweetin:
I'm used to it so that's part of it is that there's a part of me that's just like, "Well, everything that I've had to do in my life has been in public for one reason or another." Whether it's marriages, divorces, having kids, getting sober, it's going to school. Whatever it is, it's all out there.
Jodie Sweetin:
But it depends on which sobriety you ask me about, which is more, but when I went to treatment, I was a f’ing nightmare. You know what I mean? It was awful. I was a disaster. I was also 22 and young and had never been to treatment and never really... I had gotten sober before, but never really done a lot of the work.
Jodie Sweetin:
And then you go to treatment and then you're like, "Oh, wait, new friends." And then you're a mess and it was around that time that it came out somebody at the treatment center that I was at, I don't know if it was a client or staff member, had sold out that I was introduced...
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
At [inaudible 00:32:25]?
Jodie Sweetin:
Yeah. And they had shown up there to take pictures and all kinds of stuff. That was when I was like, "Okay, well, I guess I get to do this publicly."
Jodie Sweetin:
And that was the hard thing was like I had hoped that I could just go through this privately, but if anything, having to do all of this publicly and having to make some of those mistakes and have people critique them or judge me for them or whatever has made me, I think, that much stronger. Particularly now in that if somebody wants to talk shit about me or how I'm living my life or my sobriety or this or that, I don't... Cool ut bye, you know what I mean? If you want to talk shit, that's fine, then go for it. But I don't have to let that determine what it looks like, what my life looks like.
Jodie Sweetin:
Just because someone says it doesn't mean it has to be true and I tell my kids that all the time, and I forget to use it myself where it's like, just because an ex is talking shit or saying something or telling a story or doing something dumb, that doesn't have to be my truth.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Right. Their truth doesn't have to be your truth.
Jodie Sweetin:
Doesn't have to be my truth and so I just had to get real clear on my own value system and my own business and my own side of the street. And remember what's my side of the street and also that other people don't get to come and clean my side of the street either. Just like I don't get to do it to other people. I don't need you in... My side's clean. I got it. Thank you very much. Go over there. You know what I mean?
Jodie Sweetin:
But it's never easy. It's never easy to have people feel... And to feel not only that they talk shit, because we all talk and whatever, we're human, but to feel that they are entitled to an opinion that they get to share publicly because of what you do for a living that somehow you invite that into your life and that you don't get to have an opinion on them saying anything.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Is there ever, was there ever a place where like... The people I know who are artists, musicians, performers, that's who they are. It's not even what they do for a living, it's who they are. And I wonder, is there ever a time where you've thought to yourself, obviously you're probably too deep in to back out, but is there ever a time where you thought, "I don't know if the trade off of being able to perform at this level was worth what I got with it?"
Jodie Sweetin:
Not now. I mean, I did... I walked away. I worked in treatment for about six years. So I had kind of walked away from the business. I went back to school, I got my [inaudible 00:35:17] and then I started working. I started working as a tech, 10 bucks an hour, bottom of the bottom, wrong job and worked my way up into running operations departments, being the director of operations for some fairly large scale facilities that are of course not around now. But yeah, I definitely had walked away from the business and loved what I did. I worked in treatment. I loved it. It was fun. It was insane. It had that same level of chaos and interesting cast of characters as entertainment, in a way.
Jodie Sweetin:
So that for me was appealing. But working in treatment for a number of years, it was the first time I'd ever really... well that wasn't the first time. When I went to college, I got my undergrad degree in elementary education. So I was going to be a teacher and had worked at an afterschool program and stuff for a little while, but this was my first real like, okay, this is what I do now permanently for a number of years.
Jodie Sweetin:
And it's always the thing that if at some point in 25 years, what I want to be doing in 20 years, is directing, writing, producing, still acting, but really moving into some of the behind the scenes stuff. Or if it all falls apart, then I would go back to school and become a therapist, because I really love working with clients and doing that.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Yeah. That's awesome. And you'd be great at all of it and such a varied experience.
Jodie Sweetin:
Yeah.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Sorry.
Jodie Sweetin:
It's nice to feel like I learned some things about myself before coming back to this business, that I learned, okay, I am capable of doing other things, because I didn't know if I was. That was the biggest question, I think, when I started working in other fields was, do I even know how to do this? I've been a performer since I was young. Like, do I know how to have a real job? And I do, I'm fine. I'm not an idiot, I figured it out. But yeah, walking back into that and having lost everything, and lost all the financial outside shiny stuff, and had to really start over at the bottom, now coming back to working in this business and getting some of those, the cash and prizes things back that they talk about in sobriety, I have a much different appreciation for it and also a much different knowledge, that I can be okay with or without it.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Yeah. One of the things you talked about in the book, was the struggle with relationships, and obviously having that attachment issues and all that stuff, is going to be a huge piece of it. I think the relationship, in the book, that you ended with, was Zoie's dad. But you left that you were leaving Zoie's dad?
Jodie Sweetin:
Right, yeah. He and I split when I was writing the book. And several years later, I had gotten married again, to Beat's dad. Both my girls have different dads. But he and I had gotten married and were married for a couple of years. And then that didn't happen either or it didn't continue. And then I went through just a relationship with a lot of drama, and I think I had to do all of that, and learn all of those things, and fall on my face, and learn my own strength. Particularly the last few years for me, have been a place of really finding out a lot of my own inner strength. And then in finding out those things and finding out how, I am okay on my own. It's just made all the difference in the world for finding and being able to actually keep and participate in a really healthy relationship.
Jodie Sweetin:
And I didn't know that that was... I was like, "Oh, okay, this is how you do it." And I also have picked someone who has done a lot of work and really come a long way. And so I have that with somebody, that we both come to the table as wanting to help the other person, and that was something I think I was always great at finding people in relationships that I would take care of. And I had to really look at a lot of those things and look at why, and look at the power dynamic that it created, and what I got out of it, and ask myself those really uncomfortable questions of, what is this doing for me, and why? And on that self honesty that you have to look at when you go like, "Eew, I don't like me right now."
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Stay tuned to hear more in just a moment. Hi, it's Ashley, your beloved host. When I'm not hosting the Courage to Change, a recovery podcast, I'm running the recruiting department at Lion Rock Recovery. We are always looking for amazing licensed mental health counselors along with various other sales and operations positions that pop up from time to time. The Lion Rock culture is one of collaboration, support, and flexibility. Our employees work from home offices all over the country, utilizing technology to connect to one another. We are always hiring. So if you want to have the best job ever, check out our open positions, and apply at www.lionrockrecovery.com/about/careers.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
So, did you do a lot of that work, I'm sure it was a combination, but did you do a lot of that work that like, when you were talking about still finding yourself and being alone, did you do more of that work in therapy or 12 steps? Or was it a combination?
Jodie Sweetin:
Both, it was a combination. I did a lot of it in 12 steps. One, I went back and started redoing a woman's way through the 12 steps, which is such a great thing for me. And I actually use that a lot with Santis, just because I find that it is for a lot of women, we have a whole entirely different set of trauma and self hatred that comes with it. And I find that that particular book and way to work the steps is a little more gentle, and soft, and nurturing.
Jodie Sweetin:
And it just really helped me. So, I've done that, but therapy was huge for me. And I should probably go back because quarantine is definitely bringing up some fun things, as you get to sit in your home all the time. You're like, "Oh, Oh, that's crazy, hello." But therapy for sure. And you know, I took this really amazing trip to Thailand and Japan, around the time I had gone through this last, really ugly, big breakup several years ago. And we were going to go shoot in Japan and we were going to be there for 20 days. And I said, "You know what? I've got time before, I'm taking myself on a solo trip to Thailand." And I'd never traveled by myself before. I'd never been out of the country before.
Jodie Sweetin:
And I did a whole 10-day trip in Thailand by myself, and I went to an elephant sanctuary, which was something that I had always wanted to do and I got to touch these amazing creatures. I traveled, and I went to the night markets and the street fairs. I did all of these things on my own in this completely foreign country. I'm sure that there were times that people thought I was crazy because I would just burst into laughter because I was so full of joy in a way that I hadn't been before, joy and freedom in a way that I hadn't had before that it was, I always say, it was a life changing trip and experience for me.
Jodie Sweetin:
It sounds so cheesy because of this f’ing Eat, Pray, Love or whatever the hell it is, which I never read or watched because I hate those kind of movies. To even be like, "I had a magical trip, man." I just want to punch myself in the face, but be that as it may, it was a magical life changing trip. And I found a comfort in my own skin that I hadn't had before.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Yeah. It's funny that you say that. I never thought of that, but I did the same thing. When you said that, I went to Barcelona by myself, and I remember it was so empowering. There's something about it also being a foreign country and a different language. It was so empowering. I remember thinking, just going to the grocery store and carrying my groceries by myself, even though that's stupid, not like anyone carried my groceries anyway before, but there was-
Jodie Sweetin:
Right, but there was something about it like I went to a-
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
I did it.
Jodie Sweetin:
For me, particularly in Thailand, it was like, "I went somewhere. I don't know. I can't read a sign. I can't speak the language." I had a guide at times that was with me, but there were a lot of times I was like, "No, I just want to go do this on my own."
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
It's empowering.
Jodie Sweetin:
I did it, and it was awesome. I highly recommend-
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Yes, I agree.
Jodie Sweetin:
... that at some point in every woman's life, go take a trip somewhere on your own. It doesn't have to be a foreign country. Go camping by yourself for a week. Go safely [crosstalk 00:44:39].
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Maybe not in Afghanistan or Morocco but-
Jodie Sweetin:
Right. Yeah. Don't go camping by yourself without ... Anyway, what I'm saying is it's an incredibly empowering experience. My friend gave me the book, Cheryl Strayed. Why can't I think of the name of it right now?
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Yes. It was called-
Jodie Sweetin:
About her hiking the PCT.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Yes. Oh my, God. Wait. That's going to kill me.
Jodie Sweetin:
What the hell is the book called, Cheryl Strayed?
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
It is called Wild.
Jodie Sweetin:
It's one word. It's one word. My friend was like, "I think you should read this before you go on your trip." I did, and I discovered two things. One, that I never want to go on a long-term hiking trip, but also that I thought the same experience. It was the same, sort of, I don't know if I can do this. It's a little bit scary. I don't know what's going on, and yet, moments of being so full of joy and success and this feeling of like, I did this. I did this. I remember driving back to the hotel I was staying at, which I had this amazing, my own ... Dirt cheap. What you get there for what you paid for is unreal. I was on this little tuk tuk going back to my hotel, and those are the little things that are on the back of a motorcycle, but they're a little carriage with them.
Jodie Sweetin:
Weird bobbing and weaving through the streets of Chiang Mai at 11:00 on a Friday night, and there's people, and it's warm, and it's humid, and the smell and everything. I'll never forget. I remember I started laugh crying because I was like, "You're so lame." I didn't know what to even name that feeling, but it was awesome.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Yeah.
Jodie Sweetin:
It was awesome, and it was such a sense of freedom and just peace.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Yeah.
Jodie Sweetin:
I hadn't had that night, and it changed a lot of things for me. I still had a lot of stuff to go through over the next couple of years, but really I look at that trip for me as the starting point of a very new way in which I treated myself.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
It's also interesting to think about from the perspective of you can't be perfect at going on a trip, an international trip by yourself. Your perfectionism, because there's no perfect way to do it, and so you're running free.
Jodie Sweetin:
Right. It's also that thing where I've had to do that in a lot of areas, like you said. I travel by myself a fair amount, shooting hallmark movies that are all in Canada, so I go all over the place. I found the love of doing that after that trip. I just think it's so important for people to shed that, like you said, that perfectionism and go. Whenever you're traveling by yourself, I have to remind myself, "I don't have to have it all together right now. Stop. Ask for help. Regroup. Slow down," because my tendency, and I've had sponsors yell at me about it. I've yelled at myself about it. Stop trying to look like you always know what you're doing.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Well, there's no script. Right?
Jodie Sweetin:
It's okay. Right, but it's okay.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Yeah.
Jodie Sweetin:
Like, "Oh my, God. I'm lost. I don't know. I came out of the subway." When I go visit my boyfriend in New York, I remember I was taking the subway back somewhere, and I don't take it all the time. I have a couple of routes that I knew what to do, but this one I had to transfer, and that's what always screws me up, is the transfer. I realized that I could ask for help. What a f’ing novel idea.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Right, but it is a novel idea.
Jodie Sweetin:
All of my 38 years of my life ... Right. 38 years of my life, I never was like, "Maybe I should go to the little kiosk and be like, 'Hey, I'm looking for this train. How do I find it?'" No. My head told me, "I ask for help, and I don't know how to figure this out on my own, then obviously I'm" ... but then I'm not capable.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Right.
Jodie Sweetin:
It was like this need for self determination because-
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Belief system.
Jodie Sweetin:
I don't know. I think we all have ... Alcoholics in particular have a hard time asking for help. It's ego. It's fear. It's perfectionism. There are so many things that I have had a much better time of letting go of.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Yeah.
Jodie Sweetin:
I still struggle. Don't get me wrong. I am by no means a picture of perfect mental health, but I do know some solution, and I know what to do even if at the moment, I might not be doing it.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Right. Totally. That's the story of my life.
Jodie Sweetin:
Right. I'm like, "Just give me a minute. I'm going to get the solution. I just need to have this [inaudible 00:49:37]," and I get there.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Totally.
Jodie Sweetin:
Yeah.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
So in the book, you talk about leaving Full House, and obviously so much has changed from leaving Full House in terms of what happened with all your co-stars and which directions they went in. Then you got the opportunity to do Fuller House. What was it like to do that? And did it feel like a second chance, or was it just like, "Oh, this is cool to hang out with these people?"
Jodie Sweetin:
Oh, it was all of that. It was definitely a second chance. I was going to meetings, pitching that show with Candice and Andrea and John Stamos and our executive producers. We were pitching it to different networks, Netflix and all the stuff, while I'm working in treatment.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Love it.
Jodie Sweetin:
So I'm pitching this long shot of an idea of a TV show, but I'm having to take off work to do it. And there were a couple of meetings I was like, "I can't make it. I've got a bit a treatment team meeting, or I've got this, I can't leave." So it's just funny that I was in this mindset of, "Look, it would be awesome, but I'm happy where I am, but I will put my effort into that as well and see where it goes." But it definitely felt like a second chance because after that started happening, just a lot more opportunities came.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Yeah.
Jodie Sweetin:
The hard thing about this business is that when you're not working, people are like, "Oh, but what are you doing right now?" And you're like, "Well, I'm not working, which is why I want a job so that I can start working." And then they're like, "Right, but what..." So it's this weird catch 22 of: if you're not working, you're not going to work. Because they want to find either someone totally unknown or someone that's hot. There's no middle ground.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
That's interesting.
Jodie Sweetin:
So it was a wonderful opportunity to have that door open again, because I got to come back with such a different mindset, with a mindset of... Not that I ever took it for granted, but just, "Oh, I get to have all these fun opportunities again, that I didn't think would ever come back." I never thought million years we'd do the show again. It was definitely weird coming back to that and feeling like I had jumped from one world into another.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
You had to really separate, which frankly is completely understandable. I was reading this going, "Oh my God, how do you... As a kid, the complexity of what you went through is insane in terms of identity crisis." I mean, we're all trying to figure out who we are always and you have this added layer. So you had to really pull Jodie out and separate Stephanie from Jodie for so long.
Jodie Sweetin:
Right.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Now you're back doing that. How does... Is that ever confusing?
Jodie Sweetin:
No. I always say Stephanie and I are very... They took a lot of who I was and made Stephanie.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Okay.
Jodie Sweetin:
So a lot of who I was as a kid really influenced who Stephanie was. When I came back as an adult, they really were wonderful at listening to us and where we saw the characters having gone and having changed. But when I was 13 and the show ended, I was going through this... I mean I'm going through a really struggling time anyway, because I was coming to terms with my adoption around 13, 14. It was a couple years after I'd found out the whole story and there was a lot of stuff that I talked about in the book about. I had gotten very ill as an infant. I had been found in an abandoned garage and I had all this kind of stuff that was too traumatic.
Jodie Sweetin:
And so at 13 or 14, I started having that thing that a lot of adoptees go through, which is: "Okay, I don't feel like I'm a reflection of the people who are raising me, but I'm not a reflection of these people I don't know. So I don't know how much of it is biological parents, how much of it is my parent parents. And who am I? And do I want to be either one of them or do I want to reject both of them?" I realized that a big part of my drinking and using, that I think started at that age, was because a huge portion of all that I knew about them was that they were addicts and alcoholics.
Jodie Sweetin:
And it was a weird connection of: if they were, I am.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
I want to be someone's.
Jodie Sweetin:
I want to be someone. And then at that same time, the someone that I was on TV was suddenly... I suddenly wasn't a working actor anymore and I also wasn't Stephanie, but I wanted to be Jodie, but I didn't know who that person was. Because there was all of these pieces of: I didn't really know who I was. And so I would just go along with whoever you told me you wanted me to be. Sure, I'll be that person. I could be a chameleon, and I'm still very good at floating in between vastly different social groups, because I know how... I can be, not that I'm now being disingenuous, but there's all these different facets of who I am. And I think at that young age, in particular, I really had no idea what direction, who I was. There was no grounding sense of identity.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Which is completely understandable, given all the things.
Jodie Sweetin:
Right. And now coming back as an adult, like I said, coming back and having gone through a period of my life where I lost all of the fancy outfits, I was just a normal person. When you then come back into this business, there's just this appreciation for things that... I go, "You know what? I can sit here and throw a hissy fit about some stupid thing that's not happening on set right now. Or I can realize that this isn't the end all be all of everything and whatever you find." And I'm a pretty easy going, passive person anyway, so that perspective of what's really, truly important and that I'm here and yes, I'm doing a job and I will give it 100% and commit to it. But at the end of the day, it's okay. I don't need to... I would say, "We're not curing cancer. We're just making television shows. It's going to be okay. This is not life or death."
Jodie Sweetin:
And I've worked in life or death. I've flipped clients over who I've seen them seizing out in the middle of Family Day and having... I've done that stuff, and that to me, I go, "Yeah, that's that's life or death." This is fun and it's awesome and I'll give it 100%. but that perspective, I think, changed things.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
How does parenting fit into... I guess this is a two-part question. One is: obviously, if your daughters were into wanting to be actresses, would that be something that you support?
Jodie Sweetin:
My youngest daughter does.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Okay, she does.
Jodie Sweetin:
She very much does. My older one, not so much. She is more into sports and friends right now. So anything I suggest, of course. But that was never her thing. She did a little guest appearance on the show one time, playing one of Max's friends, or whatever. She is not the one that wants to perform and do all that. She loves it, and she's great at it. She actually did her school play and stuff like that, but she's not the one that's like, "I want to be on stage." My younger one is, but she doesn't have, I think sometimes the personality traits that it takes to succeed in this business as a kid, which is, you show up and you do it, even if you're sick, even if you have a fever, even if you don't feel like it, even if your friends are doing something else, even if something else's more fun or you want to sleep in or whatever, it doesn't matter.
Jodie Sweetin:
I know that she wants to perform and do this. I have to find other avenues for her, rather than the professional avenue right now. Just because I don't see some of the things that I think she's quite there yet, but I also want her to explore that and have it be something that she loves. But it's also hard, as a working parent in this business, to take kids to auditions and do all that kind of stuff too. So we'll see. She goes back and forth. And every once in a while I tell my agent, I'm like, "All right, fine. Just send her out on an audition." But then I'm like, "No, she needs the head shots, and this", and all this stuff. I'm like, "All right, that's a lot." My mom was with me all the time, every day. That was what she did full time. But I don't have that luxury.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Yeah. When the twins were born, I looked into people who were like, "Oh, you should..." whatever. I thought, " Oh, man. I've no idea what that is." For commercials or what have you. Then I basically was like, "Whoa, they're not working. I'm working."
Jodie Sweetin:
You're working.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
I don't have time for that!
Jodie Sweetin:
The point that has to go with that is work-
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Yeah. It's a full job.
Jodie Sweetin:
She is a singer and a performer. She loves music and all that, so she's been involved in a lot of stuff like that. But then I also see her. I'm like, "Okay, you have your", whatever. And she's like, "I don't want to." I'm like, "Okay." I get it, and I don't want to take that flexibility away from her. She can always focus on this as a career, but you can't always be just [crosstalk 00:59:09].
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
So true.
Jodie Sweetin:
And I know that, so I will support her in, if that's what she wants to do, or go to a performing arts school and middle school, high school, whatever, do all of that. Great. But if there are still more times than that, that my kids just-
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Want to be kids.
Jodie Sweetin:
Want to relax, do nothing, then that's what we're going to do.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Yeah. One thing that has happened for me is, I call it postpartum sobriety, because my sobriety, since becoming a mom, is different. New issues came up that I thought I had put to rest. I'm faced with how to talk about... Mine is nothing like yours. However, my story is out there. There are podcasts and there's a book, and there's this and that. I wonder, okay, so how do I talk about this without encouraging your girls, or showing that, "Oh, it's okay. Mommy lived through it." All the different questions that come along. How are you dealing with some of those things? Do your kids ask you questions? Do you have conversations about it?
Jodie Sweetin:
Yeah, we have conversations about it. My kids ask about it. My kids have always known that I've gone to meetings. They know that I don't drink. As they're getting older, it's obviously led to some more conversations. I was just talking about this the other day, about how much I realize that the principles of the 12 Steps influence my parenting in a very, very huge way. I don't even know that my kids realize... Well, of course they don't, because they've never sat in a meeting, but the amount of program and spiritual principles and knowledge that they have been exposed to, just simply by having a parent that's in the program. Should they ever need to find a seed themselves, I think a lot of what they've been raised by, they will find is already in there.
Jodie Sweetin:
But it is hard to talk about, and it's hard to, I don't want to glorify it, but at the same time, look at, like you said, the books out there. The kids are going to read it, they get nosy. They want to know who their parents are and were. I always tell my kids, "Look, there's a lot of things I've done that I'm not proud of, but they've also given me a lot of life experience that I used to try and help you not make the same mistakes."
Jodie Sweetin:
I also am very honest with my kids and tell them, "Look, I can give you all the tools in the world, but if you don't pick them up and use them, then it doesn't matter. This is on you. This is your responsibility." That's where we're at right now. I think the 10 and 12 year olds were really giving me that idea of being responsible for your own actions and consequences. And it's tough. We don't like to learn that as adults, and learning it for the first time as a kid, when you're like, "Oh, you downloaded some stuff you weren't supposed to on your phone. Now, you don't have a phone." "But it's a pandemic!" "But you knew you weren't supposed to. And you did it anyway."
Jodie Sweetin:
That's a hard thing to do right now, parenting in a pandemic where you're like, "I have to take the phone." It's literally the only thing that hurts, that has any sort of impact, but I feel so awful doing it that most of the time I give it back an hour after I take it. Because I'm like, "Oh!"
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Yeah.
Jodie Sweetin:
But I do try and let those principles guide me in my parenting, and try and be patient with all of them. The last month has not been pretty around here. We've all been an emotional basket case, and it's not going well. But the thing that I've learned in this program is that I apologize immediately after I lose it, immediately after I do something. And I tell them, "I lost my patience. This is not the kind of person I want to be an example of for you guys, and I'm sorry." Because I think it's really important that kids hear that their parents screw up too. My whole point in that is talking about the human condition, even as a parent, where you're like, "Look, I screw up, I make mistakes. I've done a lot of stupid things. When I tell you things, it's not because I'm making them up. It's because I have this experience."
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
You become-
Jodie Sweetin:
And I also say too like, there were things that my mom told me that scared the shit out of me. My mom was very straight edge and whatever, but she had friends in the sixties in high school and there were things that I was terrified to do because my mom told me the one time that her friend dropped acid or whatever, and she lost her mind. There were those stories. So I'm like, I don't want to tell my kids stories to scare them, but I also want them to know that I am not an idiot. And I am very aware of the dangers that are out there. So when I say that something's unsafe, it's not because I'm trying to be lame mom, it's because I've done a lot of unsafe shit. [crosstalk 01:04:31].
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Yeah, it's from personal experience. This is earned knowledge.
Jodie Sweetin:
Yes, I had to tell my daughter this the other day about some stuff on the internet. I lost it at her and then I had to stop, really in the middle of it. And I said, I'm sorry, I'm not mad. I'm scared.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Jodie Sweetin:
I'm scared for you right now. And I don't mean to, I'm sorry that I'm yelling. I'm not meaning to be like that, but I'm just upset. And it led to a conversation between her and I, and me saying, "Look, I've been through some shit. I've seen some things." And it resonated, I think a little bit differently because I didn't try to deny that I had done some scary and dangerous things, but that I was speaking from a place of experience. And I think sometimes kids think that their parents have no experience. I think that was why there were a lot of times I didn't listen to my mom. I was like, "You didn't even know. You so weren't cool. You didn't do any cool shit." You know?
Jodie Sweetin:
And I think in being able to tell my kids, "Look, I'm speaking from experience. I'm not speaking from a place of, this sounds like a bad idea. This is a bad idea, and here's why."
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Here's why. And here's my experience with it.
Jodie Sweetin:
And here's my right. Yeah. And it was. This look went over her face of like, "Oh. Oh, you know. You're not just telling me, but, you know." And it was big but I think she knew enough of what we were talking about, that it was impactful. And I think that's the thing is, it's just being honest with them and being like, look, I have experience. I'm not I'm not a sheltered little person.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
I like to say, I used to be cool.
Jodie Sweetin:
Yeah. My kids are like, "Yeah, no, you're not." I'm like, "But I was!"
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
I'm already telling my kids they don't even know what that means or what is happening.
Jodie Sweetin:
I'm so not cool these days.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
It's really painful.
Jodie Sweetin:
But now I use that to my advantage and just try and embarrass them. So I'm like "Well, if you guys don't think I'm cool, even though I know I am. You guys, think I'm not cool. I'm just going to embarrass you and dance."
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
That's what makes all the bullshit worth it. Right? Like just annoying them or embarrassing them? That's how I get through it.
Jodie Sweetin:
Yeah. I try to annoy my kids at least once a day.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Very, very gratifying. Yeah. Yeah. You have to for sure. Have you guys dealt with any, or have you had to talk to... I'm sure you have the talk had to at least talk about it. People stalking or people contacting them and have you had people contact them?
Jodie Sweetin:
No, but we had to go through some stuff a few years ago that made some of those things very clear. So I can't get into too much detail, but yeah, no, they're aware. They know my security team well. It's their uncle, so they call him and they know that if anything, he ever says to them in a moment of crisis, they absolutely are [inaudible 01:07:30].
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Good. That's really good. I, know-
Jodie Sweetin:
But they're still dumb. They still do things, but I'm like-
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Yeah, that's part of that.
Jodie Sweetin:
That's the part, right.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
That's still applies.
Jodie Sweetin:
Still a bad idea. Yeah. But yeah, that's scary for them. And so it's like having to have a conversation without being scary, but also reminding them that, I had said people know who you are. You are not anonymous. People will find you, people can find you, they know your name. And even if it's just other kids on the internet that want to follow you or whatever they do. It's not just for friends, and getting kids to differentiate between, "But I want followers", which is me too. "Why does it have to be private? But I want followers." I'm like, but you're not, how do I explain this to your child? You're not famous. You don't need followers. No one is monetizing your f’ing TikTok. But you know what I mean? Stop.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
They're like, "Not yet mom."
Jodie Sweetin:
Right? Yeah. But that's the thing is that all kids, this age, it's a competition. "I have 2000 followers. I have 2200." I'm like, "Y'all don't even know these people". Because one thing when it's a public thing, for work, I have to do. But you know, even then I have my-
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
It's interesting because people say to me, I've been to a bazillion treatment centers and I've done all this work and people say to me, "Oh Ashley..." Because my husband's in recovery. And so I'm always like, well, they're f’ed. And people say, "But you'll know what to do. You'll know. You know what to say." And I'm thinking to myself, like there was no, I didn't have TikTok. I don't know. I didn't know what Tinder was. I had to Google it. I am not [inaudible 01:09:25].
Jodie Sweetin:
With every generation comes a whole new set of more horrifying things to get in trouble with than the last.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Exactly.
Jodie Sweetin:
For years parents had to worry about their kids smoking.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
And now there's fentanyl.
Jodie Sweetin:
And they've got a Juul. Well and there's fentanyl.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Oh, Juuling, yeah.
Jodie Sweetin:
Parents were never going to sell it.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Right.
Jodie Sweetin:
It was really hard to hide smoking cigarettes in high school.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Totally! It's a right on passage, damn it!
Jodie Sweetin:
Like, " [crosstalk 01:09:56] them cigarettes!"
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Out the window in your bedroom.
Jodie Sweetin:
Right, yeah. But you couldn't even do that, because it's f’ing reeked in your house. Now-
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Can't smell it.
Jodie Sweetin:
... they can get away with that shit. So, how do you-
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Right. Juuling, I didn't even think of that.
Jodie Sweetin:
How do you balance giving your kids privacy, which is important and having to be in every single thing in their account and reading every single message and knowing that they delete messages, every new generation face through the whole other set of circumstances.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Yeah, my dad used to say, "I know I'm never going to beat you because you spend all the time in the world thinking of how to outsmart me. So I'll never outsmart you because you have all the time to think about how."
Jodie Sweetin:
Right. Exactly. And they've also got-
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
New tools.
Jodie Sweetin:
... accomplices.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
They've got...
Jodie Sweetin:
Well, they've got new tools and they've got accomplices. I'm not sitting around with my mom friends trying to figure out how to bullshit the kids. But kids are like, "Okay, we've got a plan."
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Totally.
Jodie Sweetin:
And that should wait.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Yeah, it does. It does.
Jodie Sweetin:
That's just how it is. I am not foolish enough to think that I'm going to always catch every little thing that they do. But luckily so far, they're both really dumb when they try to get away with it. I feel like at least I can outsmart them a little bit based on some of my history.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Right.
Jodie Sweetin:
But it's going to not be long before they catch up into that.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
They advance, yeah. You got some time though. The one thing that's going on right now is I'm finding out where I have neglected or where I have used being busy or neglected doing work or whatever it is like all the issue from based on COVID. And it's just been very destabilizing for my recovery. Like you were saying, it's a shit show over here as it is like emotional, like all these stuff. What stuff has come up for you that you're like "What?" during COVID, during being in your home?
Jodie Sweetin:
My self criticism. I am really, really hard on myself. I expect myself to function without giving myself any fuel to do it. You know what I mean? Like, why can't you do all the things with no food, no sleep, no energy, no money? Why can't you just pull it all off and what a piece of shit are you that you're not? That has been the thing, I think. That and my anxiety of the unknown, of what happens next? I just want to feel like I'm on solid ground.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
What's the date?
Jodie Sweetin:
When do I go back to work?
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Yeah.
Jodie Sweetin:
Can I please know that? That has been really hard for me and I think has sent me off into a tailspin. It's just dealing with my anxiety and I struggled with it physically. And so I'm having to, I'm not eating, I'm not doing art. I'm having to tell on myself and call my nutritionist and call all of the things and also become very self-aware of new bad behaviors in regards to trying to find solution for my-
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
The wacko mode?
Jodie Sweetin:
... [crosstalk 01:13:28]. Right. All of the things, whether it be food or exercise or sleep, too much or too little or everything has to be perfect in the house, whatever it is. Those are the things that are coming up for me. And so I'm having to write a lot. Luckily my best friend is not sick of me yet so I just call her. My boyfriend is absolutely wonderful and amazing and so patient and kind to me when I can't be kind to myself. That's made all the differences because I know I'm struggling at times with certain things. My sobriety is good, but there's a whole host of other fun things to delve into in mental health and that I'm having to beat myself up for realizing that I'm struggling, that somehow I'm not immune to the crazy subject.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
The world pandemic?
Jodie Sweetin:
Right, yeah. I'm not, I guess I'm-
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Who knew?
Jodie Sweetin:
... apparently, yeah, who knew I'm still human. There's that. I still have feelings and emotions, and I'm also a very uncomfortable feeler. I don't like having feelings and emotions. When I do, and when they come out very messy all over the place, it's a very out of control feeling. I'm dealing with with loss of control right now, as we all are, what that looks like and how we remedy it, how we change it, how we make peace with it, all of that. It's not pretty. Last week I was a PMS-ing rage monster. I called my mom and I hadn't eaten and I was just cranky and angry and PMS-y and crying. The kids would be little demon people and it was just all bad. I was like, that's it. I am running away. I just pictured myself getting in my car-
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
[inaudible 01:15:33], yeah.
Jodie Sweetin:
... and just lay a bit there. I was like, "Yup, I can do it. I can totally do it." I probably wouldn't ... two days in, then I'd feel bad. And then I was like, "Oh!" You'd start releasing the crazy thoughts that you have of, "I just need this to feel better."
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
I've gotten the runaway feeling when there's no world pandemic so I can't blame you.
Jodie Sweetin:
That's the thing is I get it too. I-
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Got to go.
Jodie Sweetin:
I mean, my boyfriend as my mom, I struggled really hard. It's not easy for me. The last couple of years have not been easy for my anxiety, depression, and this is not helping. I just have had to be kind to myself and it's like, "You know what, if today you can't get out of bed and you're just kind of a weepy puddly mess, then that's what it is today." The kids are going to have to help out and pull it together, too. Or I really try and schedule my mental health breakdowns for days when the kids aren't here. Lot easier that way.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Good call.
Jodie Sweetin:
Right. To lay in bed, but trying to take that pressure off of myself for not ... I don't know. I think we see it a lot right now too. You're not writing your memoir, losing 15 pounds, getting in the best shape of your life, and building a new at home garden, then time was never your issue. You're just a lazy f is basically what the meaning says. And I'm like, "You know what? That's not true." When life is humming along normally, I have energy. I have zero energy because I am spending exerting so much mental energy 24 hours a day just thinking about everything. And I forget that. I think we all do. How exhausting anxiety, depression, the mental energy we spend spinning our own wheels. Then, we get to the end of the day, we're like, "Why am I so exhausted?"
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Yeah, it's true. Plus motherhood is just f’ing exhaust. I mean, how people-
Jodie Sweetin:
It is. It's never ending and there's no... And that's, I think, been hard for me too in this pandemic. Usually, when I'm here with the kids, it's me and the kids right now. There is no help. There's no one to pass the baton to, not that there normally is anyway. But I have an amazing nanny, when I'm working, is here with the kids a couple of days a week. Plus they're at school, with their friends and they're getting all of that energy out and all of that stuff. So it's no wonder we're all falling apart.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Oh, yeah.
Jodie Sweetin:
Of course, we are. I can't tap out because I have to be teacher, chef, driver, nurse, therapist, mom, all of the things, to two people, who are very much over me and don't want to hear me say one more thing to them, really. And now that's it. I've got to be the one and only thing to them. And it's exhausting. And as moms, we always feel like, "Why am I... No one's doing anything for me."
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Totally.
Jodie Sweetin:
And I remember my mom losing her shit about that, all the time. And as a kid being like, "Oh my God, what's moms problem? Why is she freaking out?" And now I'm like, "I'm so sorry, mom. I'm so sorry." Because it is...
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Thankless.
Jodie Sweetin:
Parenting is a thankless job, where it's like, you just get to deal with people all day that spew all of their negativity all over you and you don't get to take it out on them.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Yeah.
Jodie Sweetin:
You have to be loving and caring and compassionate to them anyway, because they're your children and you love them. But they're mean sometimes.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Yeah.
Jodie Sweetin:
It's hard. It's hard.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
It is. It's...
Jodie Sweetin:
So if there's other parents out there listening, we're all falling apart. It's okay.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
It's okay.
Jodie Sweetin:
Go cry it out for a few minutes in the bathroom and you're going to be okay. The kids are going to survive this. And at some point we'll all laugh about it. In a few years we'll be like, "Remember when we almost just all strangled each other during quarantine? Oh, it was so funny."
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
God. Yeah.
Jodie Sweetin:
I hope my kids laugh at it. I hope they don't just look at me go, "Yeah. That wasn't funny, mom. That was really seriously traumatizing."
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Yeah. Yeah. It'll be interesting to see what comes out of this and what happens, because I know that the recovery, community is... I mean, everybody's struggling, everybody's struggling. Most people's reactions aren't fatal. And what was interesting about what you said, I've been thinking about how you, and I know this to be true, in LA there are small meetings where people who are in the business, who are have some celebrity, go and they can feel comfortable. And I didn't even think about that, the fact that with for you guys in that category, it is not the same for... I mean, I guess, you could do those small groups online, but the going to a lot-
Jodie Sweetin:
[crosstalk 01:20:46] because in person meetings, it's different, because in person meetings, somehow you find your people, you know your meeting, you go to your meeting, you can blend in. There's something very... And I think everyone feels so self-conscious on meetings, because you're just staring at each other. I think it's a little bit different, but at work, I've spoken at meetings, I've gone to meetings and just turned my screen on.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Yeah.
Jodie Sweetin:
The biggest thing for me that I've found, is really just connecting with people and other people in the program. I still work. I have a couple of [inaudible 01:21:25] that are out of state that I have worked with. So, I'm still working with them and talking to them and trying to find opportunities to be of service where I can, whether it's in the program or without. The tools don't change. They're still there, got to pick up different combinations of them and figure it out a little bit.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Yeah. Totally. Well, you're amazing. Thank you so much for being here.
Jodie Sweetin:
Thank you.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
I really appreciate it.
Jodie Sweetin:
My pleasure.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
I really appreciate it.
Jodie Sweetin:
Yeah, absolutely.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
You have an awesome podcast called Never Thought I'd Say This with your best friend.
Jodie Sweetin:
Yes.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Where you write...
Jodie Sweetin:
Yes Cecilia Behar and I, discuss our parenting fails on a regular basis. Yeah. Every Wednesday it comes out and that's on Apple, iTunes, Spotify, and any place you can get podcasts. And if you're not offended by the F word, then you can listen. That's always the warning that my mom gives, to let people... She's like, "The podcast is hilarious, but if you're offended by language, I suggest you don't listen."
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
I always laugh when there was talk about... like we have to put explicit if I say f on this podcast. But if I don't say f, and we're talking about using meth and cocaine, it's totally fine, that's not explicit.
Jodie Sweetin:
It's totally fine. Yeah.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Yeah. I'm like, "Okay, well, how do you draw that line?" But, okay.
Jodie Sweetin:
Right. Yeah. But yeah, we do that and we're in our second season and we've been recording from home for the past few months, just doing it like we're doing now, making the Zoom and the podcast and those FaceTime and all of that work. And yeah.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
I love it. Well, awesome. We'll put all that stuff in the show notes.
Jodie Sweetin:
Yeah. Thanks.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Thank you so much.
Jodie Sweetin:
Yeah. And then Fuller House comes out June 2nd.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Oh, yes.
Jodie Sweetin:
So it'll probably be out by the time this is out.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
So Fuller House premieres June 2nd. And where can people find that?
Jodie Sweetin:
That's on Netflix.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Oh, well, there you go. Awesome. Awesome.
Jodie Sweetin:
[crosstalk 01:23:26].
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Well, thank you so much, Jodie. I appreciate it.
Jodie Sweetin:
Yeah, absolutely. My pleasure.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
Thank you.
Jodie Sweetin:
Nice to talk to you too.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
You too.
Jodie Sweetin:
Okay. Bye.
Ashley Loeb Blassingame:
This podcast is sponsored by Lionrock Recovery. Lionrock provides online substance abuse counseling, where clients can get help from the privacy of their own home. They're accredited by the joint commission and sessions are private, affordable, and user-friendly. Call their free helpline at (800) 258-6550 or visit www.lionrockrecovery.com for more information.